The holidays are officially over and everyone is starting to get back into “normal mode” again. January and February are big months for planning your wedding day. I wanted to share a few obvious/not-so-obvious tips to help you plan a wedding that will leave you feeling happy rather than regretful. Too often I see couples ignore the basics in order to please someone or because “so many people told me that’s how it’s done”. Hopefully, these tips will give you the courage to step back and really plan the wedding of your dreams. Just use me as an excuse. I’ll take the heat.

Tip #1

Trust your vendors

Seems like an easy one but there’s a twist. Obviously, you should be trusting your vendors. They are the professionals after all. We go to 5 to 50 weddings a year (depending on which industry you are from) and we’ve seen A LOT. It would be silly to not take advantage of your vendors and ask endless questions to get their advice on your planning. However: trust your vendors within their field. Let me explain. We (vendors) might think we know everything there is to know about weddings but, truth is, we know OUR INDUSTRY best. Sure, I can tell you my opinions regarding flowers or budget but, I know what the industry wants me to know. Unless I’ve actually done a budget myself or have done bouquets all day, I don’t really know what happens in the back-end of that industry. If you have questions about flowers, ask your florist. If you have questions about the reception timeline, ask your DJ. If you have questions about how to keep your hair from falling during the day, ask your hairstylist. Here’s how this came up in my mind: I’m apologizing in advance because this is sort of a rant. It’s really unfortunate how many times I get the timeline for the wedding day and a planner tells me how long I have to take photos. A planner, although AMAZING at planning budgets and finding great color palettes, have NO IDEA how long I take to create the work that’s in my portfolio. Too often, I get a timeline where I get 20 minutes for a portrait session with the couple AND with the wedding party AND video people when actually, it takes over an hour… plus the time that the video guys need. In the end, it’s the client (you) who loses out. You paid all this money to have a pro take your photos and then, I can’t give you the product that I’m so proud of. Isn’t that a shame? Another would be how you really want a certain type of flower and, everyone agrees, but then your florist can’t get it because they are not in season. It’s not their fault. What you should be doing is asking for recommendations from the florist first and then set your heart on a type of flower. Not the other way around. Talk to your vendors FIRST and then, make final decisions on how everything should go.

Tip # 2

Let your timeline breathe

Speaking of timelines, don’t allow a timeline where every-single-minute is planned for. Yes. I said “Don’t allow” because You should be the one telling us how you imagine your day *BEFORE* WE PLAN IT FOR YOU. The last thing you want to do is be running around all day to make sure you get to places on time. The only things that should have a start time are: Photographer/Videographer arrival, Hair of the Bride & of the people who are getting ready with you, Makeup of the Bride & of the people getting ready with you, Groom and Boys get ready, Ceremony, Family photos, Reception, & the First course. That’s it. Everything else should follow… when they follow. Have breaks (lots of breaks) between everything to allow things to run late and/or be removed if necessary. If you plan every second, you will have to push everything over if something runs late and you’ll be a huge stress ball. Your wedding day will feel like a big blur in the end because you weren’t able to really let it sink in.

Tip #3

Do what feels right

No matter how many people tell you differently: There are NO RULES when it comes to your wedding day. No musts… at all! The only “must” is sending in the marriage certificate to the government… which is done afterwards ANYWAYS. Other than that, you can plan it however you wish. The government technically can’t even force you to read the Civil Code of Québec at the ceremony. As long as its read and signed before you send it in, you good! Stop getting forced into a corner because people keep telling you: “Well, that’s just the way it is.” No. it’s not. This counts for vendors as well. There’s a BIG difference between a vendor that says “Ok, that’s not really possible because a)b)c) and here are my recommendations to make something similar” and a vendor that says: “No. Not possible. That’s just the way is it” If you have an idea in mind for your big day, find a vendor that will give you what you want. There’s someone for every style. You don’t have to settle for anyone or anything. If your mom says that you can’t see each other before the ceremony because “That’s just the way it is” and you just feel it in your gut that you would feel more comfortable spending time with your partner before the walk down the aisle then… SEE EACH OTHER BEFORE. If you don’t want to walk down an aisle because you have severe anxiety and can’t stand everyone looking at you, then, DON’T HAVE AN AISLE. If you can’t stand the idea of wearing a dress, then, for Pete’s sake, DON’T WEAR A DRESS. Enough with these weird rules that are a million years old and don’t even make sense for today’s society. Don’t be bullied. This is your wedding day. Do what feels right to you. I’m giving you permission.

Tip # 4

Trust your gut

Speaking of gut, If something (or someone) doesn’t quite feel right… trust your gut. Don’t let that feeling gnaw at you. Do something about it. Do you have a feeling that two people sitting together will be a problem? That someone’s speech will be too long or mean? That the vendor won’t mesh with your people? That you probably shouldn’t ask that person to be in your wedding party? Someone will drink too much? Whatever it is… talk to them about it. Don’t just “wait to see if it happens”. Prevent it by having a chat. Hey, maybe you’ll be completely wrong and you were just imagining things but it’s so much better to be safe than sorry. This day only happens once.

Tip # 5

Surround yourself with people that will have your back

A lot of decisions will have to be made for your wedding. It’s important to have people around you that will SUPPORT you no matter what those decisions are. Forget that aunt that doesn’t support the LGBTQ community or that cousin that believes that you cannot wear white in your “condition”. Whoever it might be, they don’t need an invite just because your parents say you should or because they invited you to their day. Just because they are a sibling, doesn’t mean they have to be in your wedding party. Just because it’s a boy, doesn’t mean he can’t be a bridesman. If only 10 people truly make you both feel comfortable and make you happy to be around them, invite only 10 people. Your guest list should be the people that care about you and will support whatever you choose to do. You don’t need that stress that day. All you should have are smiles, all day long.

Weddings have been around for so long and the industry has unfortunately built a weird list of do’s and don’ts over centuries. A lot of them are hard to challenge but in the end, trust me that you will be much happier if you trust yourself and your choices. I understand that everyone needs a “baseline” when starting to plan their wedding day and blog posts will often be the go-to place to start but don’t force yourself to follow every single point. I’m sure you’ve been to weddings before as a guest, right? Or at least you’ve seen movies. Then go off that and plan it how you would like it to go. Book the vendors that are important to achieving YOUR plan, not because it’s “who you need to book”. As long as you because legal by signing all the right papers in front of someone of the law… everything else is UP TO YOU. Except for photography… You really should have someone take photos so you can remember in 50 years 😉 But hey… you do you.

I hope this list will give you the courage to go for what is important to YOU and that you will have an amazing day.

Remember; Your day. Your way.

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