There’s this thing that I do over on my mailing list. It’s called #basicallyadvice. I send over advice for your big day! Obvious enough. Today, on the blog, I will show you an example of what I sent out a few weeks ago.
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about our best friend’s wedding. Our best friend (a guy) got married a few years back and although we are best friends, I was not asked to be in his wedding party. I was a little sad about it but never let it show (obviously). Given that the subject finally surfaced, I mentioned it.
The response? ” Well, you couldn’t be in the wedding party… You are girl! ”
A friend of more than 20 years, we worked together, been through breakups together and, I can’t be by his side when he gets married because I’m a girl?
This is not the first time I hear this. So many people end up choosing people that they aren’t even close to for their wedding party because of :
a) they are the same gender.
b) they have to be the same number of people as the other side.
If there’s one thing that annoys me about weddings is how people are so attached to these made up “rules” that a traditional wedding has. I need to honest with you guys for a second: IT DOESN’T MATTER, PEOPLE!
Friends, stop restricting yourself from being comfortable (or happy) just because a few people made up some “rules” thousands of years ago.
This is your wedding day. It’s stressful enough as it is. Make sure to have a wedding party that cares about you, knows how to calm you down and, will participate in whatever your little heart desires.
If that’s only one person, so be it! If they are of another gender, that’s ok too!
Too many couples have regretted not doing so. If the people chosen to be in your wedding party don’t understand you or worse, don’t get along with you, you will have a STRESSFUL TIME.
Here’s a 4 things that happened to my couples recently (yes, all true):
1- Bride asked the sister of the groom “to be polite” and, she was “missing a girl on her side”. Sister had never met the bride. Was bored, complained all day, got drunk and ended up falling flat on her face at the ceremony.
2- Bride was from out of town and didn’t have many friends so she asked acquittances to be in the wedding party. The wedding was in the winter and Bridal party complained THE WHOLE TIME because photos was outdoors and it was cold and they didn’t understand why Bride would want such a thing (Ugh, no respect).
3- Groomsman hit on bride the whole day. He is known to be an a** and he thought it was funny. Groom knew this but “I’ve known him since we were kids”. The whole day, the bride was mad at him for not doing anything to stop the groomsman. What a nice day that was.
4- Groom asked a friend because groom was in his wedding party a few years ago. However, since then groomsman and groom had not spoken for a few months because he had gone out with his sister and cheated on her. It was awkward.
Don’t feel forced to have someone simply because you want to have the same number as the other side or just because they asked YOU for their wedding. Siblings are also NOT mandatory. Growing up with someone doesn’t mean knowing them and wanting them around 100% of the time. Most people choose their own family and, that’s ok.
Family are not friends.
If they are, THAT’S GREAT! You are one of the lucky ones. But don’t feel forced to do that simply because you think “that’s just what you do”.
Ask people who :
– Understand you if you are nervous or rude.
– Relieve your stress, not make it happen.
– You think about them at least once a day.
– Totally get how you choose to celebrate your wedding day.
– Be with you and support you throughout the whole day NO MATTER WHAT.
– Be ok to come and help you in the bathroom, if need be.
– You run to when you have troubles in your everyday life.
– Will give you more water than shots because you should have a good time but not black out.
– That know you (and you know them) inside out.
– Won’t hit on your new spouse or wedding party.
– You love.
You don’t owe anything to ANYONE. This is your wedding day. Your wedding party. Your long-term memories. Make sure they are good ones.
Here is the bottom line. If it happens to match between to the two parties… That’s great! Good for you. For real!
But, too often I hear couples say “I have too many friends and he doesn’t, so we have to try to find people”.
Ask only the people you want to have near you for 16 hours. The consequences aren’t worth it.